i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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