Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
