if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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