Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
