I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
