somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
