She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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