They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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