There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize