I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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