Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
even my farts smell like vagina
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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