This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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