I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Is it penis luge time yet?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
