I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
