It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
