I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
