The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
