I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
