I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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