Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
4 words: hood of his car
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
