I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Randomize
