so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
