dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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