dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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