The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
