Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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