he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
