You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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