sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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