Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Randomize
