i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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