It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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