It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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