i wish there were pregnant emoticons
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
