oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
