3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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