Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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