what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
