I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
