Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
