the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
me + whiskey = a bad person
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize