He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
