the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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