There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Green mimosas i think yes
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize