I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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