I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize