Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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