When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
