remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
