evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
