My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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