spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
