I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
