Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize