Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
