cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i've created a new STD.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
