how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
accomplished twins. life is a go
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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