Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
