She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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