I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
