need another drink. this is the easiest way
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I have aggressive nipples.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize