Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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