im drinking this country out of the recession.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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