this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
