you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
