Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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