Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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