I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize