you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
