I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
