I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
