with your own penis?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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