i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
