Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
