remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize