M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
