id be glad to
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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