Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
