I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
