Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
