maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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