I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
