it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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