Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
