I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
