This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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