please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
