You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
