I hate all girls vehemently.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Randomize
